Prologue:
Before you read this I would like to elucidate points & indemnify myself, that I’m not against marriage
or the “big white wedding” that people opt for. I’m not loathing people’s decisions to walk down the
proverbial aisle nor am I disrespecting the sanctity of marriage.
I have chosen to share this purely as a view point from being one of the people who works in the
Events Management field, whom when/if you marry, you will be in touch with on a regular basis.
The people who work in my profession are not just Event Managers but personal assistants, mothers,
psychologists, anthropologists, personal carers, advice givers, baby sitters, menu tasters, wine
connoisseurs, accountants, dress tailors, hair & make-up stylists, first aiders and your new best friend.
We will compliment you, wipe away your tears (yes...it happens), hold your dress up while you pee,
console you, hold your hand & be honest about most things relating to your day.
Be rest assured that we will never be able to be honest about what we think your partner thinks,
whether your ass looks huge in your $500-$20,000 dress, whether the colour doesn’t suit, whether
your flowers are ugly, whether we think your taste in music was extracted from a shitty time of the
80’s or whether your fiancé just spent one of your sessions with us checking out our rack (yes that’s
happened too.)
This piece is purely from the position of someone who’s seen it all and is seeing a tarnish appear on
what used to be a life event that meant something more than the goings on and detail of 1 day.
Tonight I worked on a Wedding Expo. I was the meet & greet person. 4 minutes in to it, already I was
extremely frustrated.
Call me cynical or jaded or whatever you like but I find it irritating listening to the pow wow about minute
details that really do not matter. Like...napkins....
I’m a corporate event manager specialising in sales & conversions of reactive sales, so perhaps I shouldn’t be
writing this much less thinking it, but in regards to work it’s all about the dollar signs and wedding clients are
better cash cows than Australian’s in Bali... (This coming from someone who’s been there several times and is
well versed in being one of these cash cows...Bali that is...not Bridezilla land)
Traditionally the event of a wedding was something sacred & modest. Although back in the day it might have
still been a show of sorts, the ratio of weddings now that are for show ponies as opposed to legitimately in
love couples who want to share this adoration, is epically disproportionate.
In my career field, for a wedding to be planned, the following things are to be taken in to consideration, not
necessarily in order/needed...
Date
Engagement Rings & Wedding Rings
Celebrant
Venue for ceremony
Venue for reception
Dresses for the girls
Shoes
Veil
Garter
Suits for the guys
Cufflinks
Button holes
Bouquets
Diary
Master of Ceremonies
Band/Dj/Music of some sort.
Booze
Menu Packages
Bonbonniere
Place Settings
Seating Chart
Dietary Requirements
Chair covers (Cleverly NOT included in your venue and venues with un-tattered chairs or neutral coloured
chairs are like hens teeth)
Napkins
Centrepieces
Lighting
Backdrops
Desserts
Cake
Wishing well
Bridal Registry
Toasting Glasses
Bridal Cars
Photographer
Videographer
Save The Date Cards
Invitations
Thank you notes
Hair Stylist
Make-up Artist
Small sum of money equalling almost a house deposit or enough to buy a car
Patience
...I feel like I’m forgetting something...OH! Um... a partner would be handy? (Preferably one you know, love,
trust & have had all the “talks” with and haven’t wanted to throttle....)
If I’ve forgotten anything by all means add it below...
Now...I’m not against people wanting to get married... I’m not against people being in love, and I’m certainly
not against throwing a party for a good reason or perhaps no reason at all. But the painstakingly controlling
women I see that were here tonight are stressing about things and getting shirty about things like...What
colour to have the napkins..Who the hell sulks over what colour napkin you have! Just have the white one’s
supplied by the venue! They’re going to be in people’s laps & they’re going to have your soup entree & jus
from the beef cheek or Pork Jowl or Squab slopped all over them anyway.
Ladies, when your partner proposed this union, he asked you to marry him...he asked you to be his life
partner...He loves you enough to want to spend all his time with you and (god-willing if you want to do so,)
father your offspring. He asked you to be his second best friend (Bro’s before Hoe’s I think is the ever so PC
Phrase? Sorry...you’re second...not in a bad way. Stop pouting.), he asked you to care for him, nurture him and
be the one he can turn to and share his intimacies with. By intimacies I mean the perfect woman who doesn’t
death-stare him if he farts in front of her or openly scratches his...anyway...*cough*
It seems as though it’s just the wedding the women want when they’re asked to marry someone. And I guess
in a sense who can blame them? And who can we blame for turning normal smart level headed female
specimens in to cake knife wielding Vera Wang wearing crazy humans? Where is the love? The clever nuts in
Marketing careers & my career realised there’s a niche for exploitation of this day and so long as people are
willing why wouldn’t they rake in money from it.
Things that the brides stress over are insignificant and no doubt one of the reasons their partners get cold feet
& call the marriage off. Remember...he didn’t know this side of you existed until now, and if he doesn’t like the
whole package of you, it’s a good thing if he does call it off.
Don’t stress and over analyse the shoes, the dress, the hair, the make-up, the flowers, the decorations, the
dancing, the location or the size of your bridesmaids if you’re having them... and yes... if you research my last
point there are some stories that would make your toes curl.
There are brides I’ve worked with who’ve demanded the most unfriendly things & unattainable things from
their wedding party & their wedding coordinators. This goes for mother in law’s too.
Bride #1 had a wedding which took place at a well known venue in the Hunter Valley. On the day her & her
mother in law actually demanded I make it stop raining. No I’m not joking, I’m dead serious. It was sprinkling.
Guests were under cover of a garden setting, they all had prepared for inclement weather by bringing
appropriate things like umbrellas or ponchos. It wasn’t an issue, but the bride & mother in law in question had
threatened to complain to my manager if I couldn’t do something about it before the ceremony started (Read;
in 20 minutes time.) My manager laughed because for this particular location of the venue they’d chosen took
the better part of 6am – 2pm to prepare a lavish setting (admittedly breath-taking).
Bride #2 gave me a PDF copy via email of a contract she had drawn up for her bridesmaids to not put on
weight or eat certain things prior to her day. And wanted me to enforce said contract whenever we had
meetings with the whole wedding party (WTF?!).
There have been some horrid situations where being polite was a difficult task let me tell you.
Then, there are the couples whom I loved & adored and would take their calls at whatever hour because
whenever I met with them, they were clearly so in love and infatuated and it wasn’t about “The Wedding”, it
was about the two of them...That’s all... Just them & what they were about to do.
Couple #1 were from overseas and spoke very little English. The groom had asked me to take photos for the
day. It was just them, their celebrant & I as a witness. They were like puppies...It was beautiful and I myself,
even having seen by that time around 40 weddings, cried when they tied the knot. We kept in touch and I
would accompany them on days out to show them around places where they were staying until they departed
the country. They contacted me a little while ago with a photo of their baby girl and to say thanks again for
sharing with them.
Couple #2 were another small wedding. It was the bride & bridegroom, and one accompanying sidekick each,
their photographer, celebrant & me. I drove them around in a buggy while they had their photos taken and
lovingly applied touch-ups to make-up or straightened the groom’s tie and sent them on their way to the
reception which was an intimate dinner booked in to the venues onsite restaurant where others were dining &
I was due to depart when they had shown me they’d made a place for me to sit & join them in their first meal
together as husband & wife.
These types of weddings are the ones that make it all worthwhile. There’s no money grabbing, there’s no fuss,
there’s no snide remarks, rolling eyes or bitch-fits about the colour of a napkin. Just love.
To the couples that attended tonight whom were besotted with what they were planning to do with eachother
and not what the tiny details were, I wish you all the love you both deserve.
That’s all this day for you should be about and that’s why your friends & family & people like me are here
